A Working Mom

I try to forget that I'm a working mom. Why? Because it depresses me to no end and there is nothing I can DO about it, so I try to not think about it.
But in the past 18 hours its been brought up twice, leaving me to get in my depression mode on this subject again. Yesterday we were listening to Russ Martin who was harping on parents who have their kids in daycare under the age of two. Jay even called in and got on air with Russ - telling him that we don't all make a million dollars a year and its not possible for everyone to stay home. Basically, Russ said we should have put money aside, Jay should get two jobs, or we should move into an apartment. (note: Russ Martin doesn't even have kids and he is the last person I would look to for guidance on what's right and wrong)
Jay getting two jobs is out of the question. I guess Russ Martin thinks its important for only one parent to be a part of their child's life. If Jay worked two jobs he'd never see our baby. Putting money aside??? We haven't had that option in a long time. So, maybe we should get an apartment. I've considered that. But, really....it wouldn't make that big of a difference. I don't know if I could stay home even if we had an apartment. For us, it simply IS NOT POSSIBLE for me to be home with Braelyn. I am not a career oriented person. My desire is to be home and raise my baby. I get little satisfaction from my job. I have a few friends who could afford to stay home with their kids, but choose to work. Okay, that's their thing and it works for them - great. Its just SO SO SO SO SO SO SO hard to be stuck at work and WANT to be home. And though I know I'm not the only person in this situation, sometimes it really feels that way. I feel really alone. It seems like everyone around me is staying home with their kids. Not only that - they are going on vacations, wearing nice clothes, etc. We make good money, we both have college degrees. We haven't been on vacation in four years, and have a hard time affording groceries without penny pinching. I'm not going to lie - I am JEALOUS to the CORE of stay at home moms!!! I feel guilty all the time that I'm missing out on Braelyn, that she's not getting to know me. She's so good with other people that I wonder if she even knows I'm her mom. I mean, how different am I really? I wake her in the mornings, drop her off at 7:00, pick her up at 5:30. Feed her, give her a bath, play a little bit, and she's asleep at 8:30. And during this quality time I am cooking dinner, tending to the dogs, etc. Its always rushed. My adrenaline is always going strong on the weeknights. And I wonder, is she really getting more from me in those 3 hours than she does spending the other 9.5 hours with someone else? Oh, there's an extra hour of quality time I'm forgetting - lately since she's been getting up for an hour in the middle of the night the past two weeks. :) So I get about 5 good hours of sleep each night. (I'm one of those people that needs 10, can do okay on 8)
So, this is just another pity party post from me. I really don't care that I sound ungrateful, pathetic, angry, bitter, jealous. Its my own little therapeutic blog. Well, except I don't feel that much better. I just feel guilty, trapped, and depressed.
I will count my blessings. I will count my blessings. I will count my blessings. Just please don't remind me I'm at work.